how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize