You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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