But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize