if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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