I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize