I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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