soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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