So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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