Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize