My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize