every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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