so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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