btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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