What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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