Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He did a backflip because drugs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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