Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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