Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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