Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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