i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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