Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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