Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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