Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize