I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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