I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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