Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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