I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
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I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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