Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize