We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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