How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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