and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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