Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize