I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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