Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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