Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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