Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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