wanna go halves on a baby?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize