We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize