I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
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He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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