so explain again why im purple
no
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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