So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize