Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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