she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize