I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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