I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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