her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
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Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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