Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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