i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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