It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize