Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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