i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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